If that statement makes you uncomfortable, don’t worry it’s not just you. Self-interested behavior contradicts the cultural narrative surrounding motherhood in almost every part of the world. How can you think about being selfish as a mother? The two words don’t even belong in the same sentence!
We are raised to be kind, courteous, helpful, and above all giving, and while none of these traits are wrong, the pivotal opportunity for growth and positive change is in recognizing when you’ve slid too far out of balance. Most women don’t recalibrate and if it goes on for too long, you can lose yourself in the process.
As a new mom, I fell into that category, and I didn’t even realize it was happening. It was only when I became so unhappy with the amount of stress I was experiencing, that I knew I needed to make a change. And what saved me was becoming aware of and receptive to the still small voice within. It was this voice that had contained the answers all along: in order to be happy and thrive as a mother, I needed to make self-care, mindfulness, and gratitude an integral part of my daily routine. The concept of freedom from stress and overwhelm built on the premise “selfishness” seemed to contradict every maternal instinct I had. And yet, it was actually what I needed most.
Throughout my pregnancy, I intellectually understood that caring for a new baby was going to be difficult (the lack of sleep, the worry, the constant diaper changes, the execution of appropriate sleeping and feeding schedules), but I felt that I was young, resilient, and could handle anything motherhood entailed. As is often the case, I was woefully underprepared for the reality and demands that motherhood presented. In those first few weeks after my son, Nash, was born, I ran on pure adrenaline. Nothing could hinder me from being the very best mother I could be, and naturally (or so I thought) no one knew my baby like I did so I never left him with anyone to take a break. I had fallen into the habit of neglecting my well-being under the guise of being a “good mother”. I was in so deep, I didn’t even realize that it was happening until one fateful night when I couldn’t ignore it any longer.
One evening, about six weeks in, I was bathing Nash as part of our nightly routine. I looked down at him and felt an overwhelming sense of fear and dread envelop me.
These questions raced through my mind:
Is this fearful existence going to be my life?
Am I always going to be worried, tired, and scared that something could befall him?
Is the person I was before having a child gone forever?
I was mourning the death of the person I was before becoming a mother, and simultaneously horrified by the stressed-out, constantly exhausted version of myself I was witnessing. The realization of the dramatic shift of my life circumstances (that had seemingly happened with no real warning) filled me with further dread and I started to cry. I felt despondent, lost, and in way over my head.
But as this perfect child looked up at me with his shining cerulean eyes, I heard my own mother’s words speak through. I remembered her saying to me as a child, that if she didn’t carve out some time for herself, whether it was reading, listening to music, or going out for a run, she just wasn’t herself. To give you some background, my mom was a Marine Corps Colonel’s wife, raising four closely-aged children all over the country, and in the case of one deployment, Okinawa, Japan. I knew she inherently understood and embodied adaptability to stress and change. I couldn’t believe that I had forgotten her mantra, her essential nature, until that moment of clarity and awakening on the bathroom floor.
Of course I needed to take care of myself if I ever hoped to be of any use to anyone else. Just the realization of that fact stilled the relentless dread swimming incessant circles in my belly. This awareness had two distinct and immediate effects: first, it helped me feel better, and second, it gave me hope for my future. Before I drifted off to sleep that night, I resolved to make a powerful change in my life. I decided that the very next day I would go for a run and begin the practice of taking meaningful time for myself every single day.
The next day arrived, I got dressed in my workout gear, slipped on my running shoes, and placed Nash in my husband’s arms so that I could go for a short run around the neighborhood. But as my hand turned the doorknob to leave, I suddenly felt guilty. It was only supposed to be a short run, but at that moment, I felt like I was abandoning my baby and that he would despair in my absence.
Maybe it is because we were physically connected for almost a year through the pregnancy and still deeply connected because I was breastfeeding, but whatever the reason, it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. The gravitational pull to drop everything and simply be with him was like an undertow ripping away all of my plans for balanced motherhood. Luckily, the sheer intensity of the negative emotions from the night before convinced me to push on. There was no turning back. I swallowed the hard pill of guilt and willed myself out into the sunshine and onto the pavement.
Within five minutes of the run I was out of breath and feeling a little uncertain of my balance. My post-pregnancy body was new terrain. It felt awkward, sluggish, heavy. In spite of that, something else was happening too. Plodding along in the oppressive summer heat, I began to feel joyful. With every step, I was communing with the spirit of the woman I was before having a child. I was reconnecting to my true self, and it felt good. Even though I was tired from the lack of sleep and completely out of shape, at that moment, I was authentically myself, timeless and eternal. During those precious minutes in breath and motion, I wasn’t worried about soggy diapers, pumped milk levels, or the laundry. My attention was solely focused on where my foot would land on the next stride and the sensation of the warm breeze on my face. It was a divine moment of heart and mind coherence. I was free.
I finished the run and came back into the house a renewed person. I perceived my husband differently as he sat there holding Nash. I gazed at him with new and loving eyes. Later in the day, that sense of love and happiness was still there. A twenty-minute run in the summer heat had connected me to my essential nature beyond my role as a mother, and renewed my faith in myself and my abilities as a mom.
The next day I didn’t go for a run, but I sat on my bed and journaled everything that was going on in my life. What I thought would be a page or two turned into twenty pages. Everything that I had been either unaware I was feeling, or actively suppressing over the past few weeks and months came pouring out of my body, through the pen, and onto the page. The feeling of being truly witnessed and nurtured by myself was medicine for my soul.
Now firmly established in my mind as a valuable practice, my intention to make self-care a daily part of my routine was solidified. It wasn’t selfish, it was actually a practice benefiting everyone in my life. By taking care of myself I was the type of mom who could be present with her kids, who could be grounded and happy despite outside environmental stressors, one who was directly modeling self-love, boundaries, and self-respect for her children.
By the time my second son, DC, was born in 2015, my daily self-care practice was non-negotiable. It was like brushing my teeth. Life certainly wasn’t easy, but it didn’t make me feel constantly afraid, or as if I couldn’t handle it. As my world became clearer, more emotionally simplified, and less stressed, I realized that most moms were still operating in survival mode. They engaged in sporadic bouts of self-care, but not enough to assuage the stress, create space and invite a greater sense of meaning and purpose into their lives.
In 2017, with these realizations in mind, I began blogging about my transformation from martyr mom to a mother empowered. How self-care had become the key to my liberation from my own self-imposed prison. My blog posts were picked up by popular magazines, and the responses I began to receive from fellow moms encouraged me to keep writing and spreading this simple message that has become what the brilliant child author and poet, Mattie Stepanek, called a heart song. My heart song, the message I want to convey in these pages is simple: if you want to experience a full and happy life, you must take care of yourself first.
In 2019, I was honored to take this message to the TEDx stage in Colorado Springs. At the end of my speech, I shared that this message is not exclusive to motherhood, that anyone who is a caretaker or who works at a demanding job needs to remember to connect with and nurture themselves every day. Doing so promotes creativity at work, empathy, and an overall sense of well-being and calm. Put simply, self-care is an essential part of living well and one that can be easily incorporated into daily life once the practitioner decides that they are worth the effort.
So give yourself the intentional space necessary to live your best life, for you and for your beautiful family. May you experience the incredible, empowering, joyful, positive ripple effect of your decision to take this time for yourself today and every day, and in the process may you be filled with unexpected hope and optimism for your life.
Adapted from “Motherhood Unstressed: Daily Meditations on Motherhood, Self-Care, and the Art of Living a Life You Love” – Available HERE.
]]>Linen is our go to fiber for our garments. We love its relaxed look, the way it reminds us of a breezy day on the coast, and its never ending versatility transitioning through all seasons. But our favorite quality is its natural sustainability. Much stronger than cotton, linen pieces will stand the test of time. The flax plant the fiber is created from does not require irrigation or pesticides during the growing process - less water and no toxins? Yes, please.
While linen is an environmental champ, it can appear high maintenance at first blush. With a little guidance, your linen pieces can be the easiest thing in your closet to maintain.
WASH IT
To avoid shrinking a garment or home good, we like to stick to cool or cold water. Wash with a small load of the same colors, and use a mild detergent. Our favorites are Ecos, Mrs. Meyer’s, and Method. A delicate cycle isn’t necessary every wash, but will help maintain the integrity of seams and trims. While we stick to 100% natural fibers, always check the care label as some garments may also contain other fabric content that don’t do well in a wash. If not drying cleaning, hand washing in cold water is always the safest bet.
DRY IT
Grab linen pieces out of the washing machine right away so wrinkles don’t set in. Natural drying is best for linen and the planet, so reshape it while it’s damp, then lie it flat or pop it on the line. If that kind of time is not available, tumble-dry it at the lowest temperature until it’s just-damp, then let it air dry. Just using the air setting, with no heat, will also speed up drying. In any case of using a dryer, don’t let the garment sit in the dryer and take on wrinkles.
IRON IT
Follow the above and your item shouldn’t need much ironing. If it’s too wrinkled for your liking, press the front and back at a medium temperature with plenty of steam. For stubborn creases, place a damp white tea towel over it first. Our favorite tool is a steamer. Hang your garment up and work from the inside. The steam trapped inside the garment helps the wrinkle fall out quickly, but be careful to not burn yourself by working from the top down.
STORE IT
Keep it cool and dry. Hanging your linen pieces is ideal to keep it wrinkle free. When you pack it away for the winter, keep it as flat as possible to avoid wrinkles. We like to fold our nicest pieces with unbleached or white tissue paper in between for longer term storage, or travel.]]>Allison James exudes joy – with her presence & with her art. It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of our recent days, but Allison reminds us that it takes a consistent conscious effort to stay in the present to find moments of peace. In these moments is where she finds her inspiration to paint. Allison is a contemporary artist, who also offers creative guidance to fellow artists. Her abstract pieces explore the relationship between colors & space & the story that is told between them.
I was introduced to Allison through a mutual friend specifically because I wanted to create assets for Sonhouse that felt like art & exemplified the brand through another form of creative expression. Thanks to her, we have a hero image for the brand that will change out every 6 months or so...you'll see it on the website, our postcards, our social, & beyond.
A brief synopsis of you! What you do, what you love, where you live, anything to describe your true nature...
I'm Allison James: artist, guide, friend and champion of many. I'm primarily known for my energetic, bold paintings and motivational attitude (both of which I am very proud to claim.) I'm a small town girl at heart with a love for big city style and kind people. My biggest goal is to help people see the beauty within themselves and to help others trust that little voice inside, through my art and through everything that I do.
When did you start painting?
I've been painting for 15 years but I've been drawing since I could hold a crayon in my hand (30+ years). I was into everything as a kid -- I had two ceramic wheels, more dirt and grass stains on my clothes then my poor mom could keep up with, Barbies galore and coloring books out of the wazoo. I have always loved creating things and staying busy! I made clothes for all of my paper dolls and copied everything out of every picture book I could get my hands on. I'm still very much this way, always collecting and thinking up my next project.
Where do you feel most inspired?
When I'm in nature. I know, I know... that's such a typical 'artist' answer but is there anything better than being in the stillness with only God and the birds and the grass beneath your feet? I think not.
What’s your daily activity or ritual that gives you time to pause and reconnect?
Oh I have an entire regime but I save the laundry list. I don't look at my phone for 2+ hours after I wake up (and before bed. No blue light.) I use this time, especially in the mornings, to connect with myself through meditation and then journaling. We are blank slates right after we wake up so it's vital for me to create that mind-body connection and set my intention for the day. I drink my water and get those feet in the grass, stat! I seriously love being outside. I'll take my rescue golden Reggie for a walk with no music, no distractions. It's all about connecting back to myself, over and over again, all throughout the day.
Favorite color? (Or current color you’re loving!)
Peacock blue. I can't get enough of it. A blob of cyan with a little black on my palette... mix it up and it's always perfection.
Best vacation or travel experience?
I'm fortunate enough to have been to Maui twice. If you want to feel like you're on another planet with only the ferns, birds, and the ocean around you, go to Maui. It's the ultimate.
What are you most excited about right now?
After 5 years of focusing on growing my practice I've found so much happiness in slowing down and making time for things that are separate from my business. I've learned how to arrange flowers and create a thriving herb garden. I've started running! And I have two projects in the works that are totally out of my wheelhouse. It's just all new things and all for me. It feels good to have outlets that are contributing to my daily happiness with no strings attached. If they all blow up in my face or are a total success, it doesn't matter. There's no pressure and I love that. I needed that.
Favorite Sonhouse piece?
Oh, no brainer. The Sling Bag in Ivory. I get stopped every time I wear it which is... 5 days a week. It's chic, it's easy and it's functional. You need this bag.
Why start a lifestyle brand?
Sonhouse was founded by Laura Shope as an evolution of her first brand Very Fine South, a leather handbags & accessories company.
Laura has always had a talent for creating beautiful things that bring beauty, joy, and innovation to others lives. She has a refined eye and point of view for design and style that comes from many years of experimentation & curation. She’s driven by breaking a product or idea down into its fundamental materials (i.e. thread, textile, leather, dye, hardware, etc) and putting those pieces back together, by hand, in a thoughtful, sustainable and intentional way. First it was handbags, & now it includes home goods & ready to wear.
The initial “practical’ motivation to start Sonhouse was that friends and strangers kept asking for things she made. It was often followed by…
“You always look like you’re on vacation.”
Yes, it’s true. She has always had a passion for getting in the car and setting out on the next adventure. Chasing the sun. Exploring the mountains or the coasts. Seeing the awe inspiring beauty of nature. Putting her feet in the sand, a stream, or a grassy meadow. To feel the earth beneath your feet is grounding, and that first glimpse of the ocean ushers in perspective and peace every time.
She’s learned that you don’t have to go far for this feeling to envelope you, but instead to be to be present and find ways to evoke those feelings wherever you’re at. For Laura this is found in the daily details - the pieces you interact with, what you wear & what you surround yourself with. They serve as reminders to live beautifully where you are, that you can, in fact, bring the intention of escape right back home.
These are pieces that make you feel comfortable, grounded, and effortlessly beautiful. On the body and in the home. Pieces that are quality crafted & thoughtfully designed for our busy lives, so they become more you as you wear & utilize them without the fear that you’ll ruin them.
So, where did the name Sonhouse come from?
The sun has forever been a theme in her life. A love of daylight as it first peeks through the window, and slowly brightens as the day wears on. The constant hope of a new day that every sunrise brings. The concept of sun was always present in Laura’s relationship with her father - the early days of him singing “You are my Sunshine”, the words “there are brighter days ahead” that she still hears him using to comfort her, and his summer solstice birthday, the longest day of sunlight every year. Together, they spent a lifetime on one adventure after another, chasing the sun and seeing new places.
The passing of her father, the one who could always help her find the bright side of a cloudy day, shook Laura to the core and set in motion a process of personal healing. On darker days, it’s her two sons who fill the house with light that keeps her going. They continue to chase the sun together as a family, finding moments and memories to tuck away for a rainy day. Sonhouse is a place to pause and reconnect with the joy, depth, comfort, and beauty that adventure can bring you.
]]>SONHOUSE is a new chapter to our story, as well as evolution of our former brand, Very Fine South. When I started VFS in 2014, I named it accordingly as many of my skills and inspirations were derived from my Southern roots: colors named after favorite Southern plants and flowers, and product names inspired by ancestors who had influenced me. While those things remain dear to my heart, it was a culmination of a life that was externally focused. All the while, my point of view and talents were coming from the inside out. As a result, I was feeling a disconnect from the brand.
In the fall of 2019 I lost my father. He was my north star, and the ballast to my ship - the one who inspired travel and adventure throughout my life and could always help me find the bright side of a cloudy day. Losing him shook me to my core and set in motion a process of deep personal healing. My heart was broken into a million pieces, and nudged me to find new levels of courage. The deeper I dug into my heart, the louder it was shouting to live more intentionally on this brief journey we are given. It was a calling to share a story, and also to believe in bigger dreams I’d always held.
And so, SONHOUSE was built. A collection of pieces to tell a story that will grow over time.
Why the name? Simply put, I’m always chasing the sun. When the weather dips below 60, I’m heading out in search of the endless summer. Since a young age the sun always seemed to be a theme in my relationship with my dad. He was born on the summer solstice, the day with the most daylight of the year. And he reassured me during tough times by saying “there are brighter days ahead”. But to tell the whole story, on the darker days, it’s my two sons who fill the house with the light that keeps me going. We continue to chase the sun together as a family, finding moments and memories to tuck away for a rainy day.
A picture of me, taking a picture of my dad, taking a photo of the sunset. He was always behind the camera - thank heavens for smart phones that captured these memories.
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